The last time I saw you

I feel so ashamed. I acted so childishly. I wanted to punish you by ignoring you. I wanted you to realize how much you’d hurt me. All I did was look foolish and mean and petty.

But there was another reason too.

I was afraid.

I was afraid that if I looked at you, I’d have to see you again. I was afraid that if I talked to you, I’d have to hear you again. I was afraid that if I laughed with you, I’d forgive you.

I wouldn’t look at you
But your face was all I saw

I wouldn’t listen to you
But your voice was all I could hear

I tried to ignore you
But you still haunt my dreams

All these years later
I wish I could take it all back

I wish I’d acted like an adult who loved you
Instead of a child who didn’t get her way

I wish I’d been honest with you
I wish I understood what I do now

I wish I could stop hurting
I wish I could stop being angry

I wish I could forgive myself

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