I feel so ashamed. I acted so childishly. I wanted to punish you by ignoring you. I wanted you to realize how much you’d hurt me. All I did was look foolish and mean and petty.
But there was another reason too.
I was afraid.
I was afraid that if I looked at you, I’d have to see you again. I was afraid that if I talked to you, I’d have to hear you again. I was afraid that if I laughed with you, I’d forgive you.
I wouldn’t look at you
But your face was all I saw
I wouldn’t listen to you
But your voice was all I could hear
I tried to ignore you
But you still haunt my dreams
All these years later
I wish I could take it all back
I wish I’d acted like an adult who loved you
Instead of a child who didn’t get her way
I wish I’d been honest with you
I wish I understood what I do now
I wish I could stop hurting
I wish I could stop being angry
I wish I could forgive myself