I have 2 “dream lives” in my head and I live neither of them.
In one, I’m a dreamy hippie chick yogini with flowing skirts and Stevie Nicks hair and flowers and magic. I go to pagan and faerie and hippie festivals in the woods.
In the other, I’m Cameron from Halt and Catch Fire, the fiery punk with a fuck you attitude. I hang with anonymous and hack the system.
In both dreams, I write and I sing and I get to people emotionally like the writers and singers I love do to me.
I love gods & radicals so much because it’s like I can be both there – a hippie pagan radical anti-capitalist? Awesome!
But in real life…
I overeat and sit at the computer and have health problems because of my weight. I wear jeans and t-shirts because they’re comfortable. I wear pajamas around the house. I’m a geek and I never figured how that fits in with the hippie and the punk. I go to comic con but feel too fat and lazy to dress up. I love my husband, but he gets weird about money so I don’t spend it, especially not on myself, and he wouldn’t be comfortable in either the hippie or the punk worlds. Or at least I don’t think so.
I love reading about magic and spirituality but rarely try to put it into practice and when I have tried to create and maintain a practice, I end up drifting away from it out of laziness.
I’m dying for a walk in the woods but I live in a desert city.
And I don’t write. Because I don’t think I’m good enough.